Friday, February 22, 2013

God to Christian Mingle, "You Fucked Up."

A California man, Sean Banks, has been arrested after allegedly raping a woman he met on the popular dating site ChristianMingle.com. Banks used the screen name "Rarity," and apparently had other handles on the site. The unidentified woman was drawn to the site for obvious reasons, one being its slogan, "Find God's Match For You."

Alleged Rapist, Sean Banks
Upon hearing this news, God released this statement:

"I have no affiliation with ChristianMingle.com. Actually, I'm pretty fucking pissed off about the whole thing to begin with. To think that I'm up here fucking matchmaking a bunch of losers is absurd, and downright fraudulent on their part if you ask me. You think I don't have better shit to do than make sure fucking Bob from Sarasota finds his lifelong partner Jenny, from Marin. Fuck man, I'm dealing with, oh I don't know, fucking global warming, rapist priests (and I'm about to rain some shit on those motherfuckers), and that God damn blackout during the Super Bowl (that shit better not happen again). Now I gotta deal with these assholes from ChristianMingle."

God then directed his statement directly at ChristianMingle:

"You guys fucked up, not me!"

Ted Connely, a spokesperson from ChristianMingle, had this to say:

"Although there is a long history of rape and oppression in our religion, we, by no means, endorse this kind of behavior on our site. We will work diligently, with the help of God, to fix this situation. And who knows, maybe this is all just part of his master plan."

It will be interesting to see how the general public reacts to the comments made by ChristianMingle. Can they really find God's match for you?

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